Remember how I’m the clumsiest pregnant woman ever, and also that stressful events seem to happen every other week of my pregnancy?

Well this week I thought I broke my foot. My super awesome pregnant reflexes didn’t pick up my foot in time and I slammed it against the side of the stairs as I descended. A huge, hard bump appeared that felt like bone, and the pain was unbearable. I went to an urgent care type place where they did x-rays and whatnot. They said it was just a contusion but gave me some strong pain meds and a special shoe to keep pressure off of it. After 4 days the bruising and swelling has gotten worse, but the pain has gotten better.

I think I need 24-hour supervision.

Pregnant sympathy

Fortunately it seems that society has realized that pregnant women are especially prone to physical and emotional pain, and have become more and more accommodating. For example, my local grocery store has these special parking stalls near the front of the store.

And if you try to tell me this is meant for mothers with children outside of the womb and when I leave my toddler at home I don’t qualify as a “customer with child,” then maybe you should review what the bible has to say about the meaning of being “with child” and then apologize by buying me some chocolate.

Thankfully, our local mall has similar parking stalls but with much more clear signs that don’t make me second-guess myself when I park there.

Believe it or not, the worst building on the face of this planet AKA the DMV also has parking stalls for new or expecting mothers. But I felt uncomfortable taking a picture of it because it’s the DMV, and they’re basically just as bad as the TSA agents and who knows what they would misinterpret my picture-taking for. After my horrific airport security experiencea few months ago, I just play it safe when it comes to government agencies. They just don’t seem to trust pregnant women.

Natural induction techniques

A few days ago I started getting menstrual-like cramps at the bottom of my bump. It seems that this is normal and often a sign of the baby’s head getting lower, and possibly the cervix progressing. My doctor said not to even think about self-induction techniques until at least 37 weeks when I told (threatened) him that I was planning to do it, but I’ve begun just gathering possible ideas of how to induce labor naturally. With my first, I had to be induced for medical reasons at 38 weeks, so I don’t know what it feels like to go into labor naturally. Since I live across the country from my mother, who is flying out the day after my due date and staying for 10 days to help care for us, I really want this baby to come either on or shortly after my due date to get the most out of her time here.

(Note: Yes, I know that the "baby will come when the baby is ready," but I also know that the special circumstances surrounding my recovery the first time around have me scared out of my mind of taking this baby home AND having a toddler to take care of, and I'll need all the help I can get during recovery. Even if he comes right on time, the full 10 days won't seem like enough. Ideally my mother would stay for 2 months, but that just isn't practical. So for the sake of all of us, I need this baby to be punctual).

I'd really like to avoid another medically-induced labor, though, and would much rather try natural methods if my body doesn't seem willing once I pass my due date, so I started looking around for some ideas.

Some of the most common methods I’ve seen on forums and online searches include:

• sex
• spicy food
• nipple stimulation
• walking with one foot on the curb and one down
• raspberry leaf tea
• pineapple
• castor oil (but no)

I won’t drink castor oil. But the other suggestions are doable.

The only problem I see is that I don’t really like spicy foods. My husband LOVES Mexican food and told me to just learn to love that in the next few weeks. Yeah, right.

But boy, do I have the greatest news! If you’ve been following my pregnancy, you’ll know that the return of chicken fries to Burger King is the greatest thing that has happened to me in years, especially since I’m pregnant.

Well, look what my good friends at the BK announced this week:

Is this real life?! This is too perfect to even be a coincidence. I mean, really? Only a few days before I reach full-term, BK announces that they're making a spicy version of my go-to pregnancy food? I almost cried when I saw the announcement.

They really get me, ya know?

Oh, and one last thing...

If you're pregnant and have a toddler who loves stickers, maybe check the part of your baby bump you can't see before you head out into public. Because maybe she slapped an, "I ate a healthy breakfast" sticker on there without you realizing, and you might walk around with it all morning.

I couldn't believe nobody said anything to me, though! Did they really think eating a healthy breakfast was such an accomplishment for me that I wear stickers boasting the rare occasion that I do? Maybe they just recognize me at my grocery store now and know how much chunky monkey I buy. Yeah, that explains it.