I totally take back anything I ever said about pregnancy cravings being made up.

Because if you asked me during my first pregnancy, I would’ve been totally judgmental and said, “no, I don’t have cravings, those are just made up excuses to stuff your face.”

Gasp!

I just want to SLAP my first-pregnant self! What a BRAT I was! They are real, and you can find out why here.

Entering my third trimester has been monumental. Meaning that I’ve eaten monumental amounts of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream.

And it wasn’t until after my 5^th purchase of it THIS WEEK that I read the nutrition label closely and realized that it said “calories per serving” was 300, but that there were FOUR SERVINGS IN A CONTAINER!

Twelve. Hun. Dred. Calories. TWELVE HUNDRED CALORIES! IN LIKE, 2 SPOONFULS OF ICECREAM!

No, no, no, no, no. You don’t go and make tiny containers of ice cream that look like a single-servings compared to the gallons next to it, and try to tell me I should be sharing that shiz with 3 other people.

(Ben, Jerry, WHOEVER made that call, will be getting a sternly-worded email from a very pregnant woman. And if they just decide they’ve caused me so much grief and want to give me Chunky Monkey for life, I think that would be an acceptable apology for all I’ve been through.)

Ugh, just writing about this makes me want it :(

And it’s not just Chunky Monkey anymore, that’s just how it STARTED. I saw it in the store and thought “Oh, I haven’t had that for a while, that sounds good!” And within 10 minutes of being home, the entire thing was gone.

Then the next day as I was passing the grocery store in the evening, I thought about Chunky Monkey again and it sounded so good and my mouth watered, so I got another one. When I got home, my husband and I decided to watch a movie and he said, “I’m just gonna jump in the shower really quick, it’ll be so fast I promise.” So I thought “okay, well, I’ll just have a few bites and snack on it until he gets out of the shower.” I opened that brand new carton of ice cream, started “snacking on it,” but before his shower even ended I realized I was scraping the bottom. Yeah, it’s gotten that bad.

But ever since that Chunky Monkey discovery it’s been more than that. I’ve been RAVENOUSLY hungry ALL THE TIME. And it’s not just the kind of hunger where you drive by McDonald's and get a whiff of fries and think “Oh I’m hungry, fries sound good.” It’s legitimate, pain-in-the-stomach, physiological hunger. I’ll just be sitting at my desk and out of nowhere, I feel like I’ve been battling in the Hunger Games arena for my life for days and on the brink of starvation.

Now don’t get me wrong, here. I’ve got a solid background in nutrition and know how to be healthy. I eat plenty of fruits and veggies, drink lots of water, etc. etc. But if I just THINK of a food that I like it becomes an obsession.

Take exhibit A, for example: what happens when my husband does the grocery shopping (even with a list).

(Dr. Pepper was on the list, but I usually drink Coke, which is why he asked. 10 points for him).

(Also, I was originally going to do the shopping, which is why he texted "hot pockets" to me, but then I talked him into going instead and he wasn't too happy about it (which is why I'm "mean,") but he was a good sport about it ;)

(Graham crackers were also on the list but my daughter eats them and I forgot how good they taste with frosting so we needed more).

(You can't just tell someone "buttery popcorn," because now they make all this "healthy" buttery popcorn, those tricksters).

But you know what? I wasn't so hungry. I had just eaten a good lunch. It was just the talk of all that food that was driving me crazy, and I wanted it home.

So, yeah, the struggle is real. I get it now. The third trimester comes with a third stomach, I swear. But it's all good - I know how much weight I'm supposed to be gaining and I'm staying as active as I can, so I'm not feeling too much like I belong on the next episode of "My Strange Addiction," yet.

But at this rate with the Ben & Jerry's, I may just become the new cover shot for the Chunky Monkey carton.